Shit On Again

Acrid this burns in me craw.
Noxious and toxic is Law.
Cycled back to nothing but loss.
A life brought down to a stop.
On his knees this one bleeds.
Can't even get what he needs.
Slips a little further down slope.
Craves the old medicinal rope.
Hang up the worries in a high.
Like a neck in a noose pulled tight.
Sleep a sleep eternal this night.

Last Love Lost

Last Love Lost

She
Culled from heart, cut dirty
Severed like meat from bone
Gristle torn with teeth, ragged and dripping
Left alone
Needle dangling from red rimmed wound
Blue tinged lips almost sensual
Modelling a good a day
A normal day, matching that gothic creed
That desperate need, to conceal
Never reveal
The way she feels
Felt
For it’s over now, so softly now
Her eyes are blanked, filmy
Like unfocused Polaroid’s polarized
Posed, indisposed, and undisclosed.

CORNERS

Shadows slink, inky in deep recesses, absorbing light,
reflecting none back,
the black deepens sucking at the glow, taking it all,
there is nothing left but a limitless, eternal night.
A scurrying interrupts the obsidian stillness
The merest of susurrations
Hinted, whispered, sensed more than heard
Feared more than noticed.
It echoes, repeats and grows louder
Filling the emptiness with trepidation
Stress lines fracture,
Cracks appear in the armour
Of your skin.
Horrific images loom into focus
Monster and ghouls ghost gremlins and golems abound
The nightmare breathes
It seethes with power
Reeks of reprehensible terrors
Tastes of noxious desires
And feels like squirming dread.
From the corner of your eye
Spied a jerking twitch
Movement in the darkness
The Shadows come alive.

Spring Wakes the Beast

Spring Wakes the Beast

Loves lost, loves lived, loves laboured,
And loves loving flayed over whipping posts
Loves dragged through mud, through meat grinders,
And loves stretched to the limit by loves deep ties,
Loves lingering fingers taut about the throat of one’s love.
Love like love is losing its grip, lessening its hold,
Lengthening its stride as it searches for a home,
Elsewhere.
Love like tomorrow is gone wrong, love soured, scoured bare,
Likened to a scar, a wound that is not there.
Love as death a certainty in life,
Love as if your alone, which you are, in the end.
Love as if you need to, don’t you?
Love is forever, forever faint and whimsical.
A fleeting fancy fantastic frenzied fray into fanaticism.
Love is divine, delightful and decisive; deny it at your dismay.
Love me too and I’ll love you, and we’ll love everyone together,
But then you will grow green, and then get mean,
And apart we’ll be forever…….
Love you see, is not care free, it has a fee,
Love is you, love is me, love is humanity.
Yet here he sits writing verse, it could be worse,
Love could find his open heart, tear a hole, work it wide,
Then worm its sinister little way inside.

Hollie: April, 5th, 2010

Sprang

Spring leaps from behind bushes, barrels into brains
Bringing brawn and beauty bounding, bouncing,
Bouyant on pheromonal breezes;
The breeding season builds momentum.
Baby buds bloom in bellies,
Blossoming like bursts of buttery popcorn.
Bellows, bleats, bawls, and bwahhs, blast the air.
Sleep becomes beyond reality.
Breeding is immortality.

constrained

Constrained

The walls, yellow, like his teeth, stained,
By years of nicotine addiction and smoke exhalation,
Peeling and cracked like his skin, which,
Falls away in little scurrying clouds of sunlit debris,
To add to the debris of the filthy floor tiles, no longer shiny
Age has worn them; feet have dulled them, shuffling, un-lifted feet,
The sad, heavy footsteps of a bone weary, soul tired, worn individual,
Leaving the comforting safety of bed when he must, when the body,
Needs,
Needs, demands, lusts, yearnings, wants,
Things he remembers but has lost in the grey settling dust.
The single spear of light seeping through the crack in the window,
Is the only outside remaining. He never peers into the light,
Afraid of the things he might see, what may be revealed.
Yellow the fingers the flesh of his self,
Black the tarred interior of lungs.
Red-rimmed the fringes, the whites of his eyes,
Empty and sterile the depths of his soul,
He wallows alone this one in this pitiful hole.

VENUS

Such a fickle fucking flagrant finger wagged in face of fate.
See snide smile on that sneering sack of shit’s simple snout.
He hides his hideous hidden agenda his history of horrors.
Buys his bargain basement baseline beauties at rock bottom prices.
Abuses and abhors the attributes of awareness the attempts to assert.
He bashes beauty’s brains, a brutal beastly beating he betrays her.
This torturer tormenter tears at her tresses tears trickle in torrents.
She rises she rouses she rears up reaches rebels reveals a renewed self.
Hands held high head straight hot haughty she heaves her heavy heart.
Plunges the pain the power pressure presence of mind and paralyzes him.
Vengeful vixen victim no more, she vilifies her villainy with virtue.

LIKEYOU

I woke this morning to the same old tricks
Reached down to my waist scratched the same old dick
Lit a smoke and choked the usual black chunks
Rose and pissed in the same tired funk
I yawned and I stretched, I wretched in the bowl,
The vomit, like refuse, from a rotting, decayed hole.
I fell to my knees as if praying to a Deity
Knowing in me there is no damn piety.
So I got back to my feet and waddled in to my room
Seeking the yellow stained walls, the dreary, the gloom
I climbed in the bed pulled the covers about me
Like a blanket of comfort, security and sanctity.
I lay in there huddled frightened and alone
Wondering, musing, worrying flesh, gnawing at bone
Twisting this thought coiling that memory
Confusing consciousness with dreaming in no hurry
To return home.

I want to be like you are.
I want piece of mind.
I want to dream of better times,
And drive a nice car.

I climb from safe haven and venture out in the darkness
The shadows are thick I sidle from bleak to weakness
To scared little boy grasping at straws full of flaws
Who thinks he’s above nature and science and Man’s civil laws.
I creep downstairs hoping nobody’s awake
The anxiety fills me I might make mistakes
An error of judgement a miscued word
An insult unintended however absurd,
I seem to hurt those I love most in this world.
Heedless and headlong my life had been hurled
On a path towards destruction self deprecation medications imbibed
I frantically frenetically in frenzied panicked strides
Reach for another crux grab another pill devour another compulsion.
But the mind abhors vacuum it rebels expels, evident expulsion,
I shrivel into a lesser, a more meaningless version of me
And dwindle unwind untwist then coil into knots no longer free.
And return home.

I want to be like you are.
I want piece of mind.
I want to dream of better times,
And drive a nice car.

The distance keeps growing between me and you others
So I sink ever deeper underneath my warm thick covers
I waste in the bed growing thicker more calloused skin
Finding shelter in mind but its alone and within.
I sought out a solution a possible renewal a friend in the light
The changes the surface the depths had fostered a blight
The net was a gateway a and try as I might the connections are not real
For nobody will share what they are they will never reveal
Shrinking and shrivelling imploding in self, this madness sucks sadness
Into itself, it festers it foments it poisons it maims and drains and sustains.
Sending roots into marrow its deep in the bones, eviscerate this evil
Leave me alone, I want to be again not left with this upheaval
Memories of me fill my night sweats a man who had dreams
Not a night of failed memories broken by screams.
I struggle to grip what others what must feel, must think is so grand
To bad it just evades me and slips right out of my hands
As I return home.

I want to be like you are.
I want piece of mind.
I want to dream of better times,
And drive a nice car.

JESKY

Jesky was first to be woken. He opened his eyes and pain shot through his brain, the cold harsh light of sick bay hurt his long unused orbs. The Autodoc’s feminine voice told him he was of optimal health but needed exercise to reawaken his dormant muscles. It also said the cold-sleep amnesia should wear off soon. Jesky swung his legs over the side and stepped off the exam table. He made his still blurred way to the bridge.
He walked through the hard white light of the corridor and stepped onto the beltway, the field wrapped his body and whisked him the 20kms to the bridge in a second. Jesky stepped off and proceeded through the airlock onto the bridge. The empty chamber illuminated as he entered, a chair formed out of the floor, in the center, Jesky sat in the chair. A single tendril grew down from the ceiling and snaked to the back of his bald head and snicked into place at the base of his brainstem. His mind was immediately linked to the ship, displays, graphs, readouts, screens; numbers flooded his mind’s eye.
Jesky asked ship the most absorbing of his questions. ‘Where are we? When are we? Have you contacted Earth yet?’ The words were unspoken as ship was directly linked to Jesky’s brain. Ship did pick up on the fear, the nervousness in Jesky though.
‘I have some troubling information to share with you Captain Jesky,’ said Ship kindly, softly as if to ease into the news, ‘we are in the Sol system; however a greater period of time has passed than originally thought.’
Jesky’s gut lurched; he had felt wrong ever since being woken. ‘Exactly how long Ship?’ he spoke with the authority he commanded. ‘Tell me what you know spare me no sympathy, I need to understand our situation.’
‘We, myself included Sir, have somehow travelled for approximately 5.4 billion years.’ Ship paused, letting this have its effect on the Captain. Ship monitored Jesky’s vitals for signs of physical distress. Jesky was checking Ship’s analysis of the data received. All systems were nominal, functioning as expected. The information was correct. He sat back in the chair and breathed deep breaths.
‘Open the main view for me ship, let me see for myself what I assume to be the state of the Sol system.’ Jesky commanded, in no mood for defiance from his old friend. Ship sensed the tone and complied. Ship had parked them in orbit about Jupiter and even from here the swollen, angry, orange red mass of Sol was large in his eyes. The sun was larger than an Astronomical unit in diameter. Earth, Venus and Mercury were eaten by the very star that had birthed them. Mars was a cinder, a blackened crisp. Jesky wept.
“I have made contact with Titan, it took me a while to figure the language, but I have a back and forth happening Sir.’ Said Ship, enthusiastically. ‘They have offered us sanctuary, they will treat us as refugees, give us a place of our own, land, a place to start new. We will be segregated form them however.’ Said Ship with unease, a little more cautiously.
‘Exactly who have you contacted Ship are they not decedents of the human race?’ asked Jesky.
‘No sir they are indigenous to Titan, humanity is gone, they have been extinct for over 3.5 billion years.’ said ship. Jesky rose from the chair and unplugged the wire. He walked from the bridge stepped on the beltway and returned to sickbay. He made the Autodoc give him a strong dose of tranquilizer and drifted to sleep. His last thought was that he’d deal with this when he woke up.

excerpt from "Emily Gasped"

Peter was weary, he could barely stand. He moped ahead through a daze, a haze of red sore eyed almost sleep. His feet were bleeding, boils and blisters broke and festered, his toe nails were falling off, the skin was raw and peeling. He wept, cried openly; he could not hold back the flood of tears they fell freely, soaking his cheeks. He knew he was wasting precious water, he would die without more and here he was dropping water to the ground.
Sarah was by his side she held him aloft, on his feet. She never left him now. Ever since the great grey powdery demon had struck she remained close to him, never ever leaving his sight. He just needed to rest she thought, if only we could stop, even for a while, a few hours. They never stopped though, always they marched, this incessant push, the never ending struggle.
Sarah was tired too, she wished she would die, at times she truly did. Then the feeling would pass and she would continue to struggle. The life of a cow was not an easy one she thought. Even the meanest farmer let his cattle sleep, let them have water, and food. Did the Absence and its Twisted believe they would last forever if treated so? She needed water, food, and rest. Sarah was on her last legs, she did not know if she could make it much further, and Peter was in worse shape than she.
Everyone around them was in the same sorry state, dragging their asses, slowly trudging through the scrub wasteland. The air was a bitter cold, the chill bit through the flesh down to the bone. People were stealing clothing from each other; many were naked to the elements. Sarah still wore the last ragged threads of her clothing, a thick woollen sweater, torn jeans, holed socks and sandals that had seen better days. Peter had on jeans and a cotton button up shirt, he had no socks but his boots were heavy hikers. His feet were in an awful state she worried about infection, she worried for his life and hers as well.
May straggled behind the two of them, she was having great difficulty keeping pace. Sarah kept calling to her, prodding her, telling her to hurry. May was the last of their original group. The rest had fallen, succumbed to the forced march, or fallen prey to the Twisted, or to the growing greed of the mob mentality. Sarah did not know how long May would last now that Peter was so weak, so powerless. She did not know how long she would survive without his aid, his being able to defend her.
A commotion began to trickle back from ahead, the wave pressing against the tide of human bodies. Sarah was tall, almost two metres, she could see over most of the heads about her; the mass of people was stopping, actually stopping. She could not make out why however and that left a pit of fear in her belly. As the wave passed through the section of crowd the three of them were part of those around them began to sit, some merely dropped where they were. Many simply fell in heaps to cold frozen earth.
Sarah looked to Peter he raised his head and sagged in her arms, she let him down, gently to the ground. May sat beside him, and huddled close for warmth. As much as Sarah needed the rest she remained standing trying to see the cause of the stop, for they had never been given respite before. She did not trust this, this reprieve. She looked in all directions, she studied the scene as far as she could see and saw nothing, no movement, no sudden rush, no alarming action. She listened for the telltale screams the yells that came with a culling, the sounds of horror and fear but again she heard nothing but the grunts, groans and moans of tired spent, wounded, winded, defeated souls.
Sarah could stand no more she had to rest and she sat with May and Peter, a third body to add to the warmth. They embraced each other, holding tightly to each other, clasping, hugging, sheltering in the heat of shared desperation. The three humans held the moment, the long awaited moment they had wished for, the rest they truly needed. Though they had no water, no food, they had each other still, the three of them knotted like strings, entangled, entwined.
They lay like that for a long time just resting; taking turns closing weary eyes and sleeping. Little catnaps, short and sweet, recharge the batteries bit by bit; a slow process but they could not trust those around them, or the Twisted. The stop continued, Sarah kept getting to her feet looking around but nothing revealed itself, there was no stirring in the vast horde of people, no cries, no sudden movements. The entire column was still. She finally was able to get her bearings on where they were in the herd. She had tried her best to orient them in the middle, away form the edges, the most likely places to be pulled from when a cull began. It appeared she had done ok. As far as she could see there were people in all directions, an unbroken mass of humanity. Sarah looked ahead, toward the distance and tried to pick out the terrain, look for landmarks something she could use to keep them centered when the herd began to move again. Nothing stood out so she sat and resumed her resting, her recharging.
Peter was snoring softly his mouth open and a slick of drool escaping the corner of his lip. May had her head snuggled in his lap, her hands tucked under his ass for warmth, her legs wrapped with his. Sarah let them sleep; she curled herself into the fold, pulling the two bodies to her, holding them tight, and feeling warmth beyond the body heat. She realized in that moment, that fleeting piece of time, that she loved them both. She thought of the situation they were in, the dirt, the filth, the disease, the desperation, the horror, the insanity, the depravity, the madness, the futility, the utter hopelessness and she began to weep. Sarah let the tears fall, let the torrent wash her clean, felt the salty sorrow sting her dried cracked skin, watched the droplets hit the frozen ground. Sarah sobbed great heaving sobs, gut wracking sobs, she gasped for breath, and the tears continued. After what seemed an eternity she calmed, spent, drained, and lost for words she laid still, wrapped around May and Peter. She loved like she had never loved before. Her heart bloomed, it burst, brimming over with tenderness she could not believe possible. Sarah became love; she was love, every cell of her divided, the clones showering love beyond her, spreading.
Peter opened his eyes and felt wonderful, amazing, he felt like he was in his mother’s arms, being coddled like a babe. He felt a rush of blushing heat wash through him, like a lovers caress, ripple along his spine. He stared about and caught Sarah’s eye, she was looking at him at May, she seemed entranced, her smile was strange, devilish, inviting. May was enraptured; she was eyeing Sarah as well. Her face beaming joy, glee, happiness beyond measure, and Peter felt it, he shared the elation. May lifted her head and kissed Peter, a deep full lipped kiss tongues twining, he returned the kiss. Sarah responded, she lowered her mouth and savoured the flavours of two mouths.
Hands and fingers, feet, limbs and mouths and tongues began an elaborate dance. A lithe ballet of balancing bouncing buoyant bumping and banging bodies. Three persons partook of each other in a palliative remedy. Staring death down and revelling in each other. Sweat and secretions, a slipping sliding silly solution of the moment, they twisted and contorted, commingled, communicating with unintelligible primal mumblings. Language forgotten grunts and groans sufficed, moans meant more than words could ever say. Taste, touch, tactile teasing, inside, outside, this side that side her side his side, wrong side right side left side, lick shout in out and again here there no yes again again harder softer yes again where here more more more! Until they collapsed in a heap, a laughing giggling heap, spent but not weary, not worn, not tired, no, they were revitalized, supercharged.
Sarah’s love was enough for all three. Peter felt it, so did May. They basked in the glow of community, of the act, the heat of desire long unknown, forgotten, now rekindled. Most of all they remembered love, a human emotion, shared between humans, now shared between the three, for Peter loved May loved Sarah loved Peter loved all of them.

Pipe Dreams

I AM THE DEVOURER OF MY OWN FLESH.
DIGGING. SCRATCHING. GOUGING HOLES INTO SKIN.
I SEEK CONTACT WITH ALIEN VERMIN WHILE TWEAKING.
TRIPPING THE PIPE, POPPING THE PORN.
STROKING, CARRESSING, PULLING, TUGGING.
AN INDUCED HARDNESS THAT REFUSES TO DIE.
TOTALLY IMMERSED. PUTRID, FRANTIC, FETID FANTASIES!
CLOSED EYE SESSIONS ENHANCED.
I DIG! BLOOD LETTING!
CLOAKED SPIDERS AND ALIEN INTELLIGENCES INVADE.
DANCING GIRLS HUMOUR ME.
THE PIPE RENEGES!
ITHEY CRAWL. UP. DOWN. IN. OUT. PRYING LITTLE INTELLIGENCES.
SECRETIVE SINISTER SIDLERS INSINUATING SIDELONG GLANCES INTO UNIVERSAL DATA STREAMS.
i WAKE FORM THE TRANCE.
THE REACTIONARY IMAGES GONE, BUT
THE CREEPY, THE CRAWLERS REMAIN.
I DIG, DIG LIKE A MADMAN.
I BLEED, FLESH FALLS TO THE FLOOR!
I SIT BLEEDING, ERECTION IN HAND,
DIGGING.