LIKEYOU

I woke this morning to the same old tricks
Reached down to my waist scratched the same old dick
Lit a smoke and choked the usual black chunks
Rose and pissed in the same tired funk
I yawned and I stretched, I wretched in the bowl,
The vomit, like refuse, from a rotting, decayed hole.
I fell to my knees as if praying to a Deity
Knowing in me there is no damn piety.
So I got back to my feet and waddled in to my room
Seeking the yellow stained walls, the dreary, the gloom
I climbed in the bed pulled the covers about me
Like a blanket of comfort, security and sanctity.
I lay in there huddled frightened and alone
Wondering, musing, worrying flesh, gnawing at bone
Twisting this thought coiling that memory
Confusing consciousness with dreaming in no hurry
To return home.

I want to be like you are.
I want piece of mind.
I want to dream of better times,
And drive a nice car.

I climb from safe haven and venture out in the darkness
The shadows are thick I sidle from bleak to weakness
To scared little boy grasping at straws full of flaws
Who thinks he’s above nature and science and Man’s civil laws.
I creep downstairs hoping nobody’s awake
The anxiety fills me I might make mistakes
An error of judgement a miscued word
An insult unintended however absurd,
I seem to hurt those I love most in this world.
Heedless and headlong my life had been hurled
On a path towards destruction self deprecation medications imbibed
I frantically frenetically in frenzied panicked strides
Reach for another crux grab another pill devour another compulsion.
But the mind abhors vacuum it rebels expels, evident expulsion,
I shrivel into a lesser, a more meaningless version of me
And dwindle unwind untwist then coil into knots no longer free.
And return home.

I want to be like you are.
I want piece of mind.
I want to dream of better times,
And drive a nice car.

The distance keeps growing between me and you others
So I sink ever deeper underneath my warm thick covers
I waste in the bed growing thicker more calloused skin
Finding shelter in mind but its alone and within.
I sought out a solution a possible renewal a friend in the light
The changes the surface the depths had fostered a blight
The net was a gateway a and try as I might the connections are not real
For nobody will share what they are they will never reveal
Shrinking and shrivelling imploding in self, this madness sucks sadness
Into itself, it festers it foments it poisons it maims and drains and sustains.
Sending roots into marrow its deep in the bones, eviscerate this evil
Leave me alone, I want to be again not left with this upheaval
Memories of me fill my night sweats a man who had dreams
Not a night of failed memories broken by screams.
I struggle to grip what others what must feel, must think is so grand
To bad it just evades me and slips right out of my hands
As I return home.

I want to be like you are.
I want piece of mind.
I want to dream of better times,
And drive a nice car.