constrained

Constrained

The walls, yellow, like his teeth, stained,
By years of nicotine addiction and smoke exhalation,
Peeling and cracked like his skin, which,
Falls away in little scurrying clouds of sunlit debris,
To add to the debris of the filthy floor tiles, no longer shiny
Age has worn them; feet have dulled them, shuffling, un-lifted feet,
The sad, heavy footsteps of a bone weary, soul tired, worn individual,
Leaving the comforting safety of bed when he must, when the body,
Needs,
Needs, demands, lusts, yearnings, wants,
Things he remembers but has lost in the grey settling dust.
The single spear of light seeping through the crack in the window,
Is the only outside remaining. He never peers into the light,
Afraid of the things he might see, what may be revealed.
Yellow the fingers the flesh of his self,
Black the tarred interior of lungs.
Red-rimmed the fringes, the whites of his eyes,
Empty and sterile the depths of his soul,
He wallows alone this one in this pitiful hole.

VENUS

Such a fickle fucking flagrant finger wagged in face of fate.
See snide smile on that sneering sack of shit’s simple snout.
He hides his hideous hidden agenda his history of horrors.
Buys his bargain basement baseline beauties at rock bottom prices.
Abuses and abhors the attributes of awareness the attempts to assert.
He bashes beauty’s brains, a brutal beastly beating he betrays her.
This torturer tormenter tears at her tresses tears trickle in torrents.
She rises she rouses she rears up reaches rebels reveals a renewed self.
Hands held high head straight hot haughty she heaves her heavy heart.
Plunges the pain the power pressure presence of mind and paralyzes him.
Vengeful vixen victim no more, she vilifies her villainy with virtue.

LIKEYOU

I woke this morning to the same old tricks
Reached down to my waist scratched the same old dick
Lit a smoke and choked the usual black chunks
Rose and pissed in the same tired funk
I yawned and I stretched, I wretched in the bowl,
The vomit, like refuse, from a rotting, decayed hole.
I fell to my knees as if praying to a Deity
Knowing in me there is no damn piety.
So I got back to my feet and waddled in to my room
Seeking the yellow stained walls, the dreary, the gloom
I climbed in the bed pulled the covers about me
Like a blanket of comfort, security and sanctity.
I lay in there huddled frightened and alone
Wondering, musing, worrying flesh, gnawing at bone
Twisting this thought coiling that memory
Confusing consciousness with dreaming in no hurry
To return home.

I want to be like you are.
I want piece of mind.
I want to dream of better times,
And drive a nice car.

I climb from safe haven and venture out in the darkness
The shadows are thick I sidle from bleak to weakness
To scared little boy grasping at straws full of flaws
Who thinks he’s above nature and science and Man’s civil laws.
I creep downstairs hoping nobody’s awake
The anxiety fills me I might make mistakes
An error of judgement a miscued word
An insult unintended however absurd,
I seem to hurt those I love most in this world.
Heedless and headlong my life had been hurled
On a path towards destruction self deprecation medications imbibed
I frantically frenetically in frenzied panicked strides
Reach for another crux grab another pill devour another compulsion.
But the mind abhors vacuum it rebels expels, evident expulsion,
I shrivel into a lesser, a more meaningless version of me
And dwindle unwind untwist then coil into knots no longer free.
And return home.

I want to be like you are.
I want piece of mind.
I want to dream of better times,
And drive a nice car.

The distance keeps growing between me and you others
So I sink ever deeper underneath my warm thick covers
I waste in the bed growing thicker more calloused skin
Finding shelter in mind but its alone and within.
I sought out a solution a possible renewal a friend in the light
The changes the surface the depths had fostered a blight
The net was a gateway a and try as I might the connections are not real
For nobody will share what they are they will never reveal
Shrinking and shrivelling imploding in self, this madness sucks sadness
Into itself, it festers it foments it poisons it maims and drains and sustains.
Sending roots into marrow its deep in the bones, eviscerate this evil
Leave me alone, I want to be again not left with this upheaval
Memories of me fill my night sweats a man who had dreams
Not a night of failed memories broken by screams.
I struggle to grip what others what must feel, must think is so grand
To bad it just evades me and slips right out of my hands
As I return home.

I want to be like you are.
I want piece of mind.
I want to dream of better times,
And drive a nice car.

JESKY

Jesky was first to be woken. He opened his eyes and pain shot through his brain, the cold harsh light of sick bay hurt his long unused orbs. The Autodoc’s feminine voice told him he was of optimal health but needed exercise to reawaken his dormant muscles. It also said the cold-sleep amnesia should wear off soon. Jesky swung his legs over the side and stepped off the exam table. He made his still blurred way to the bridge.
He walked through the hard white light of the corridor and stepped onto the beltway, the field wrapped his body and whisked him the 20kms to the bridge in a second. Jesky stepped off and proceeded through the airlock onto the bridge. The empty chamber illuminated as he entered, a chair formed out of the floor, in the center, Jesky sat in the chair. A single tendril grew down from the ceiling and snaked to the back of his bald head and snicked into place at the base of his brainstem. His mind was immediately linked to the ship, displays, graphs, readouts, screens; numbers flooded his mind’s eye.
Jesky asked ship the most absorbing of his questions. ‘Where are we? When are we? Have you contacted Earth yet?’ The words were unspoken as ship was directly linked to Jesky’s brain. Ship did pick up on the fear, the nervousness in Jesky though.
‘I have some troubling information to share with you Captain Jesky,’ said Ship kindly, softly as if to ease into the news, ‘we are in the Sol system; however a greater period of time has passed than originally thought.’
Jesky’s gut lurched; he had felt wrong ever since being woken. ‘Exactly how long Ship?’ he spoke with the authority he commanded. ‘Tell me what you know spare me no sympathy, I need to understand our situation.’
‘We, myself included Sir, have somehow travelled for approximately 5.4 billion years.’ Ship paused, letting this have its effect on the Captain. Ship monitored Jesky’s vitals for signs of physical distress. Jesky was checking Ship’s analysis of the data received. All systems were nominal, functioning as expected. The information was correct. He sat back in the chair and breathed deep breaths.
‘Open the main view for me ship, let me see for myself what I assume to be the state of the Sol system.’ Jesky commanded, in no mood for defiance from his old friend. Ship sensed the tone and complied. Ship had parked them in orbit about Jupiter and even from here the swollen, angry, orange red mass of Sol was large in his eyes. The sun was larger than an Astronomical unit in diameter. Earth, Venus and Mercury were eaten by the very star that had birthed them. Mars was a cinder, a blackened crisp. Jesky wept.
“I have made contact with Titan, it took me a while to figure the language, but I have a back and forth happening Sir.’ Said Ship, enthusiastically. ‘They have offered us sanctuary, they will treat us as refugees, give us a place of our own, land, a place to start new. We will be segregated form them however.’ Said Ship with unease, a little more cautiously.
‘Exactly who have you contacted Ship are they not decedents of the human race?’ asked Jesky.
‘No sir they are indigenous to Titan, humanity is gone, they have been extinct for over 3.5 billion years.’ said ship. Jesky rose from the chair and unplugged the wire. He walked from the bridge stepped on the beltway and returned to sickbay. He made the Autodoc give him a strong dose of tranquilizer and drifted to sleep. His last thought was that he’d deal with this when he woke up.